Guatemala Mission Trip: Day 1

I rode on an airplane for the first time today! We left Little Rock National Airport at 9:51 and made it to Houston at 10:50 which was just in time to catch our flight to Guatemala City as they were doing the last boarding call. The flight from Little Rock to Houston was on a smaller plane with two seats on one side and one on the other. I traded seats with one of our team members so that I could sit by someone on “my first flight.” The flight to Guatemala was on a larger plane which made the take-off and landing a little less anxious.  I am very proud to say that I made it through both flights without any anxiety problems whatsoever. I know it is all by God’s grace that this was possible! Unfortunately, the missionaries we were coming to stay with missed their flight this morning and so we sat in a little restaurant/café until they got here……9 hours later! Now that they are here, we are at a hotel for the night and will travel to Huehuetenango (where we will be staying the week) tomorrow. Now I’m going to get some sleep and prepare for a day of 6 hours on the road tomorrow! Love you all! Thanks for the prayers and keep them coming!

Natalie

Mission Trip testimony

I am leaving for Guatemala on a mission trip in 6 days. For this trip, I have been asked to prepare a testimony to share. The testimony didn't have to be about when I was saved but about a time in my life that I had to rely on God the most. I know I have written a previous blog about my trials with becoming pregnant but this was the time in my life when I did have to rely on God the most. Also, what I talk about needs to be something the people in Guatemala can relate to and having children is just that. Below is my testimony for the trip. I would like open and honest feedback about it.

6 years ago, I was diagnosed with Panic & Anxiety Disorder. I was having panic attacks to the point of not being able to leave my own home. After 3 years of trying out different medications and going to therapy, we finally found the right medications for me.  Those 3 years were some of the toughest years of my life. Why? Ever since I was a little girl, all I dreamed about was being a mother to children of my own. Yes, I was ecstatic to find the right combination of medicine to help with my panic attacks but one of those medications would be dangerous for me to be on and become pregnant. During those 3 years, I had many family members and close friends who became pregnant and gave birth to healthy babies. I was very happy for them but every time I found out about them, I would cry and it wasn’t a happy cry…it was a hurting cry. I had tried at different times getting off of this one particular medication but every time I tried, I couldn’t function without it. I had come to the decision that I would never be able to have a child of my own and seriously began looking into adoption. In the fall of 2008, I found another therapist to begin seeing. She opened my eyes to the root of my problem and a lot of healing took place. As a matter of fact, so much healing took place that I was able to get off that medication and became pregnant in the Spring of 2009. Even though I was excited to be pregnant, I couldn’t help but wonder why I was able to do so well now without the medicine than I was before. The realization I came to was that it was when I stopped focusing on my wants for my life and more on what God wants for my life.  1 Peter 4:12-13, it says “Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”  Once I realized that what I was going through was not because God wanted to keep me from experiencing joy, I was more at peace.  God was trying to teach me to depend more on him and less on medication. Romans 5:3-4 says “we can rejoice when we run into problems and trials for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” Today, I am proud to say that I do have a child of my own. On December 1, 2009, my dreams came true and I became a mother! Neela Kate Vaughn came into the world and blessed my life in more ways than I can explain. Every moment I look at her, I can’t help but praise God for allowing me to have such a beautiful gift in my life. 

Once again, please feel free to tell me what you think. 

Thanks!

Natalie 

Feeling stupid......

Have you ever had one of those moments where you find yourself thinking: "Why did I say all that? I probably sounded so stupid. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be quiet?" Well I had one of those moments on the way home from praise band practice tonight. I didn't say anything bad or wrong, I just look back and think I should've just been quiet because talking so much made me look really stupid. Anyway, if you have ever had one of these moments, here are a few quotes that will make you laugh and help you to feel better about yourself.

(On September 17 1994 Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever would you and why ?
Answer: 'I would not live forever because we should not live forever because If we were supposed to live forever then we would live forever but we cannot live forever which is why I would not live forever'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. 

'Smoking kills. If you're killed you've lost a very important part of your life'
-- Brooke Shields during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign . 

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

Hope you enjoyed them!
Natalie  

I'm baaaack!

It's been a while since my last blog, so I decided that I would update everyone (all 7 of my followers....lol!!) on what's been going on.

This summer has been busy to say the least! As soon as school was out, I had two days of traveling to Camden for workshops. The next weekend, I went to Little Rock for the AEA (Arkansas Education Association) Leadership Conference. I am going to be Vice-President of the Strong-Huttig Education Association this next year so it was very beneficial for me to go. That following Monday, the NV3 (that's the nickname I have given our family since we all have the initials NV) headed to Fayetteville. Nick had a coaches conference to attend and Neela and I went to catch up with family & friends who live in NWA as well as some mother/daughter shopping! Wednesday morning, we loaded up and came back to El Dorado only to unpack, do laundry, and pack again for our beach trip.

Neela & I with the cousins!

On Saturday, June 26th, we made the 9 hour trip to Gulf Shores, AL to cash in on our Christmas present from Becky & Bruce which was a week in a beach house! I absolutely loved this trip. Not only were we at the beach but Neela is old enough to play in the sand and water and she loved every minute of it! We got back from our trip yesterday, July 2nd, and still haven't completely unpacked. We are all 3 trying to regain our energy from the wonderful but exhausting vacation. I have included some pics. If you want to see more, there are plenty on my facebook page!!

Ready for the beach!

Total Diva! loving the beach!

family pic!

playing in the water with my girl

The Bruce Holsted Clan

Neela loves her Daddy

What do I have in store for the rest of the summer? Well, I will tell you. Tuesday, July 5th, I travel to Lake DeGray Resort to spend two nights while Neela stays home with Daddy. No, I am not going on a "Mommy Vaca", I have been asked to be a part of the Strong School District's leadership team and we are having our meeting at the resort. I will return from there on Thursday and then Neela and I will head to White Hall to spend the night with my parents on Friday. Nick has a 7-on-7 tournament in Springdale and so Neela & I are jumping on the chance to spend time with Maw-Maw & Pops! Next week, I will travel to Camden 3 days for literacy workshops and then on July 22, I will hop on a plane to Guatemala!! Nick will be on contract with football by this time so Neela will be spending most of the week I am gone with her Maw-Maw & Pops.

I am very excited about going on a mission trip to Guatemala with some of my church family. We will be working in a medical clinic in the mornings and then doing a VBS type camp in the afternoons. We will have one fun day in Antigua before we return home but I am very excited about doing missions. This is my first time on an airplane as well as leaving the country. I know what you are thinking, "Are you crazy?" and my answer to you is "obviously!" I made a promise to myself that I would not let my anxiety and panic attacks keep me from doing God's work and no matter how hard Satan is trying to talk me out of this trip, I am going! When I get back from the trip, I will have a few days to recoup and then professional development starts for me on August 3rd!

So there you go. That is what I have been up to and will be up to until August 15th when school starts. It has been an extremely busy but absolutely wonderful summer for me. I have gotten to spend a lot of time with Nick & Neela and have enjoyed watching Neela experience new things. I am going to do my best to blog while I am on my trip to Guatemala but not sure when I will have time to actually blog again before I leave. So until then, I hope everyone is having a great summer and I my next correspondence will be from Central America!!

Natalie

You mess with the bull, you get the horns...

After reading the title of this post, you are probably thinking I am going to start ranting and raving and name calling about a certain event that has happened in the life of my family a few months ago. Well, sorry to dissapoint but I'm not. Why not? Truthfully, I just don't see the point. No matter what I write, people are going to believe what they want to believe and those who truly know and love my family already know the truth and stand by us.

A few months ago, my father was forced to resign from his position as music minister that he had been for the past 15 years because a couple of men got their panties in a wad. My father is a very honest and loving man and when he saw things happening that he didn't think were right, he spoke up. Was he disrespectful? absolutely not. But there are some people in this world that don't like being told what they did was wrong. I have not been able to tell the truth of this because my father was threatened that if he spoke anything about why he left, his severance package would be terminated. The people who made this decision, were people whose homes I grew up in and whose children I was friends with.

This event has completely disrupted my parents lives in ways that words just can't explain. My father won't sing in church anymore and my mother can't bring herself to play the piano. I am deeply saddened by both of these because I grew up hearing them use their musical talents and now my daughter might not ever be able to. Am I upset by what was done? OF COURSE!! But I'm not going to give these "men" any leverage to hurt my family anymore by calling names.

So back to the title of this post, what does it mean? Well, when Nick and I started dating, he loving compared my family to the mafia and I have to agree. He didn't mean that we do illegal things or kill people, but was referring to how close we are. When you mess with one family member, you mess with us all. So in this case, when these "men" allowed Satan to work in their lives and disrupt my family's lives (because Satan is the one responsible for this!), not only did they mess with one bull, but they messed with at least 20 of them. I will leave the math up to you to determine how many horns are prepared to strike.

I love my family with everything I am. I will do anything for my family and they know that. Does a part of me want to go up to these mean-spirited people and kick them in their man-hood? Yes. But honestly, if you can treat people like this, then you aren't really that much of a man anyway. One day these people will have to answer to God himself about their actions and I have a feeling they will pee their pants in fear. I have no doubt that they know what they are doing is wrong, but they are allowing "power" to control their actions, not their true hearts. I thank everyone who has been true friends to my parents and have actually stood up for them. I also thank everyone for the prayers and ask that they continue because this isn't something that is going to be gotten over any time soon. Right now, all I can do is pray for my parents & family and know that God is in control of all circumstances. I will continue to do everything in my power to make my parents smile every once in a while because as Francesca Battistelli said in her song "Angel By Your Side"...."if I can bring a smile back to your face,  for a moment, you'll forget all about it." 

To all of my family, I love you more than words can express! We WILL get through this together!

With all my love,
Natalie

What's more important?

For the past few years, I have been struggling with this whole "friendship" thing. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I see women with their "girlfriends" having a great time and everytime I ask myself "why can't I have that?" I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent crying and asking myself "what's wrong with me?" or "why don't they include me?" I would go to events or try to get involved in things so that maybe, just maybe, someone would want to be my friend.

I know these questions sound really childish and pathetic but I am not afraid to let my feelings be known. One of the many lessons I learned about myself when going to therapy is that I feel with everything that I am and there is nothing wrong with that. When I love, I love with my whole being. When I hurt, I hurt with all that I am. When I am in a relationship (love or friendship), I give 110%. You can see it as a curse or you can see it as a blessing. I have decided to see it as a blessing. It is just how I am programmed.

What I have learned and decided to focus on is that no matter what I do, I can't make anyone like me. I have had to start asking myself what is more important?......to enjoy the life I do have or beg for the life I think I need? I recently read a book titled "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury. This book really opened my eyes to the fact that the most important relationship I need to be worrying about is the one I have with my Savior. When my focus is on doing what God wants me to do and paying attention to the surroundings God has placed me in, everything else will fall into place.

It's a daily struggle to stay positive and only be concerned with what God wants for my life. I pray daily that God will use me and show me what HE wants and that what I think I need will fade into the background. God has blessed me beyond measure and I can't afford to spend my time begging people to like me and ignoring those who already love me. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and loves me even after seeing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hidious! I have a precious angel for a daughter whose smile melts away any problems I may be having that that very moment and whose giggle melts my heart. I have family, both immediate and extended, that love and accept me and support me. These are just the beginning of the list of all of the ways I have been blessed!

Am I saying that I do not need friends? No. Am I saying that I think I am better than other people because of what I have? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that God has work for me to do and I don't think continuously crying over relationships that I don't have is what he wants for me, or anybody for that matter. Will I still have slip-ups and get upset every now and then, yes...I am human, but I am going to try and make every day count, thanking God for what I have and focusing my energies on what he has for me to do.

Personal Revelation

The past couple of days I have been finding myself very frustrated and worried about things that truly don't matter. With Easter Sunday coming up, I, like a lot of people, have been worried about what I am going to wear and frustrated because I won't be wearing anything new to church. I have also been comparing my singing to others quite frequently.  I will be singing a solo this Sunday and have been worried about how I am going to look and sound to all the people that show up. I have been making myself sick that I won't be as good as the other soloists. My devotion this morning discussed how we are all different and that is what makes us beautiful. These verses really hit home with me

Romans 12:5-6 (The Message)
"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other or trying to be something we aren't."

This morning, I realize that my voice isn't like anyone else's and I shouldn't want it to be. God made me the way I am for a reason and as long as I am singing truly for his glory and his glory alone, then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter what I wear or how I think I sound. As long as I am praising God in all I do, everything else will fall into place.