Far too many people take for granted the ability to have children. There was a time not too long ago that I had finally faced one of the biggest fears of my life and accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant and have a child of my own. Nick and I had seriously begun looking into adoption. Why couldn't I have a baby of my own? Panic/Anxiety disorder.
I struggled daily with panic attacks and it had almost gotten to the point where I couldn't leave my own home without having an attack. Many of you may be saying "I never knew she struggled like this." and that is because I became a genius at hiding it. My dr. and I finally found the right combination of meds to allow me to function somewhat normally but it is not safe to take these meds when you are pregnant. I knew that there was no way I could get off the meds and wouldn't even consider putting a baby at risk just to fulfill my selfish need of having a child of my own.
During this time, I had numerous friends and family members getting pregnant. I was very happy for them but also very sad and spent a lot of time crying because I wanted a baby too. Finally I found a therapist that was able to help me tremendously. After a year of therapy and a lot of praying, I felt like I could possibly get off some of my meds if I was able to get pregnant. A few months later, I was pregnant and forced to get off some of my meds. As scary as it was, God was there with me the entire pregnancy and my panic & anxiety started to subside! Talk about miracles!! Today I have a precious one year old baby girl that is worth everything I went through!
