An Awesome Blessing

This first story is one that is very dear to my heart.  It isn't about my students or Bella, but about how Neela came into my life.

Far too many people take for granted the ability to have children. There was a time not too long ago that I had finally faced one of the biggest fears of my life and accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant and have a child of my own.  Nick and I had seriously begun looking into adoption. Why couldn't I have a baby of my own? Panic/Anxiety disorder.

I struggled daily with panic attacks and it had almost gotten to the point where I couldn't leave my own home without having an attack. Many of you may be saying "I never knew she struggled like this." and that is because I became a genius at hiding it.  My dr. and I finally found the right combination of meds to allow me to function somewhat normally but it is not safe to take these meds when you are pregnant.  I knew that there was no way I could get off the meds and wouldn't even consider putting a baby at risk just to fulfill my selfish need of having a child of my own.

During this time, I had numerous friends and family members getting pregnant. I was very happy for them but also very sad and spent a lot of time crying because I wanted a baby too.  Finally I found a therapist that was able to help me tremendously.  After a year of therapy and a lot of praying, I felt like I could possibly get off some of my meds if I was able to get pregnant. A few months later, I was pregnant and forced to get off some of my meds.  As scary as it was, God was there with me the entire pregnancy and my panic & anxiety started to subside! Talk about miracles!! Today I have a precious one year old baby girl that is worth everything I went through!