After reading the title of this post, you are probably thinking I am going to start ranting and raving and name calling about a certain event that has happened in the life of my family a few months ago. Well, sorry to dissapoint but I'm not. Why not? Truthfully, I just don't see the point. No matter what I write, people are going to believe what they want to believe and those who truly know and love my family already know the truth and stand by us.
A few months ago, my father was forced to resign from his position as music minister that he had been for the past 15 years because a couple of men got their panties in a wad. My father is a very honest and loving man and when he saw things happening that he didn't think were right, he spoke up. Was he disrespectful? absolutely not. But there are some people in this world that don't like being told what they did was wrong. I have not been able to tell the truth of this because my father was threatened that if he spoke anything about why he left, his severance package would be terminated. The people who made this decision, were people whose homes I grew up in and whose children I was friends with.
This event has completely disrupted my parents lives in ways that words just can't explain. My father won't sing in church anymore and my mother can't bring herself to play the piano. I am deeply saddened by both of these because I grew up hearing them use their musical talents and now my daughter might not ever be able to. Am I upset by what was done? OF COURSE!! But I'm not going to give these "men" any leverage to hurt my family anymore by calling names.
So back to the title of this post, what does it mean? Well, when Nick and I started dating, he loving compared my family to the mafia and I have to agree. He didn't mean that we do illegal things or kill people, but was referring to how close we are. When you mess with one family member, you mess with us all. So in this case, when these "men" allowed Satan to work in their lives and disrupt my family's lives (because Satan is the one responsible for this!), not only did they mess with one bull, but they messed with at least 20 of them. I will leave the math up to you to determine how many horns are prepared to strike.
I love my family with everything I am. I will do anything for my family and they know that. Does a part of me want to go up to these mean-spirited people and kick them in their man-hood? Yes. But honestly, if you can treat people like this, then you aren't really that much of a man anyway. One day these people will have to answer to God himself about their actions and I have a feeling they will pee their pants in fear. I have no doubt that they know what they are doing is wrong, but they are allowing "power" to control their actions, not their true hearts. I thank everyone who has been true friends to my parents and have actually stood up for them. I also thank everyone for the prayers and ask that they continue because this isn't something that is going to be gotten over any time soon. Right now, all I can do is pray for my parents & family and know that God is in control of all circumstances. I will continue to do everything in my power to make my parents smile every once in a while because as Francesca Battistelli said in her song "Angel By Your Side"...."if I can bring a smile back to your face, for a moment, you'll forget all about it."
To all of my family, I love you more than words can express! We WILL get through this together!
With all my love,
Natalie
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
What's more important?
For the past few years, I have been struggling with this whole "friendship" thing. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I see women with their "girlfriends" having a great time and everytime I ask myself "why can't I have that?" I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent crying and asking myself "what's wrong with me?" or "why don't they include me?" I would go to events or try to get involved in things so that maybe, just maybe, someone would want to be my friend.
I know these questions sound really childish and pathetic but I am not afraid to let my feelings be known. One of the many lessons I learned about myself when going to therapy is that I feel with everything that I am and there is nothing wrong with that. When I love, I love with my whole being. When I hurt, I hurt with all that I am. When I am in a relationship (love or friendship), I give 110%. You can see it as a curse or you can see it as a blessing. I have decided to see it as a blessing. It is just how I am programmed.
What I have learned and decided to focus on is that no matter what I do, I can't make anyone like me. I have had to start asking myself what is more important?......to enjoy the life I do have or beg for the life I think I need? I recently read a book titled "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury. This book really opened my eyes to the fact that the most important relationship I need to be worrying about is the one I have with my Savior. When my focus is on doing what God wants me to do and paying attention to the surroundings God has placed me in, everything else will fall into place.
It's a daily struggle to stay positive and only be concerned with what God wants for my life. I pray daily that God will use me and show me what HE wants and that what I think I need will fade into the background. God has blessed me beyond measure and I can't afford to spend my time begging people to like me and ignoring those who already love me. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and loves me even after seeing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hidious! I have a precious angel for a daughter whose smile melts away any problems I may be having that that very moment and whose giggle melts my heart. I have family, both immediate and extended, that love and accept me and support me. These are just the beginning of the list of all of the ways I have been blessed!
Am I saying that I do not need friends? No. Am I saying that I think I am better than other people because of what I have? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that God has work for me to do and I don't think continuously crying over relationships that I don't have is what he wants for me, or anybody for that matter. Will I still have slip-ups and get upset every now and then, yes...I am human, but I am going to try and make every day count, thanking God for what I have and focusing my energies on what he has for me to do.
I know these questions sound really childish and pathetic but I am not afraid to let my feelings be known. One of the many lessons I learned about myself when going to therapy is that I feel with everything that I am and there is nothing wrong with that. When I love, I love with my whole being. When I hurt, I hurt with all that I am. When I am in a relationship (love or friendship), I give 110%. You can see it as a curse or you can see it as a blessing. I have decided to see it as a blessing. It is just how I am programmed.
What I have learned and decided to focus on is that no matter what I do, I can't make anyone like me. I have had to start asking myself what is more important?......to enjoy the life I do have or beg for the life I think I need? I recently read a book titled "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury. This book really opened my eyes to the fact that the most important relationship I need to be worrying about is the one I have with my Savior. When my focus is on doing what God wants me to do and paying attention to the surroundings God has placed me in, everything else will fall into place.
It's a daily struggle to stay positive and only be concerned with what God wants for my life. I pray daily that God will use me and show me what HE wants and that what I think I need will fade into the background. God has blessed me beyond measure and I can't afford to spend my time begging people to like me and ignoring those who already love me. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and loves me even after seeing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hidious! I have a precious angel for a daughter whose smile melts away any problems I may be having that that very moment and whose giggle melts my heart. I have family, both immediate and extended, that love and accept me and support me. These are just the beginning of the list of all of the ways I have been blessed!
Am I saying that I do not need friends? No. Am I saying that I think I am better than other people because of what I have? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that God has work for me to do and I don't think continuously crying over relationships that I don't have is what he wants for me, or anybody for that matter. Will I still have slip-ups and get upset every now and then, yes...I am human, but I am going to try and make every day count, thanking God for what I have and focusing my energies on what he has for me to do.
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