What's more important?

For the past few years, I have been struggling with this whole "friendship" thing. Everywhere I go and everywhere I look, I see women with their "girlfriends" having a great time and everytime I ask myself "why can't I have that?" I can't tell you the amount of time I have spent crying and asking myself "what's wrong with me?" or "why don't they include me?" I would go to events or try to get involved in things so that maybe, just maybe, someone would want to be my friend.

I know these questions sound really childish and pathetic but I am not afraid to let my feelings be known. One of the many lessons I learned about myself when going to therapy is that I feel with everything that I am and there is nothing wrong with that. When I love, I love with my whole being. When I hurt, I hurt with all that I am. When I am in a relationship (love or friendship), I give 110%. You can see it as a curse or you can see it as a blessing. I have decided to see it as a blessing. It is just how I am programmed.

What I have learned and decided to focus on is that no matter what I do, I can't make anyone like me. I have had to start asking myself what is more important?......to enjoy the life I do have or beg for the life I think I need? I recently read a book titled "Divine" by Karen Kingsbury. This book really opened my eyes to the fact that the most important relationship I need to be worrying about is the one I have with my Savior. When my focus is on doing what God wants me to do and paying attention to the surroundings God has placed me in, everything else will fall into place.

It's a daily struggle to stay positive and only be concerned with what God wants for my life. I pray daily that God will use me and show me what HE wants and that what I think I need will fade into the background. God has blessed me beyond measure and I can't afford to spend my time begging people to like me and ignoring those who already love me. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and loves me even after seeing the good, the bad, the ugly, and the hidious! I have a precious angel for a daughter whose smile melts away any problems I may be having that that very moment and whose giggle melts my heart. I have family, both immediate and extended, that love and accept me and support me. These are just the beginning of the list of all of the ways I have been blessed!

Am I saying that I do not need friends? No. Am I saying that I think I am better than other people because of what I have? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that God has work for me to do and I don't think continuously crying over relationships that I don't have is what he wants for me, or anybody for that matter. Will I still have slip-ups and get upset every now and then, yes...I am human, but I am going to try and make every day count, thanking God for what I have and focusing my energies on what he has for me to do.