Free to be me.....

As stated in a previous blog, my new years resolution is to become more confident in myself. What I have found, however, is that in order to do this, I have to come to terms with the real me. I have a lot of "titles" that I am known by....Coach Vaughn's wife, Amy's big sister, JB's little sister, Jeff & Susan's daughter, _____'s teacher, Neela's Mom.... and I love everyone of them. I know how blessed I am to have these but all of these "titles" don't describe the complete me. Looking inward at who I am and how I function is a very frustrating thing sometimes. There are some who claim to know the complete me and yet when I do or say something, it makes them run. Well I have come to a point where I am tired of trying to make myself do or say certain things to please others and not "rock the boat."

So here it is....are you ready for this?

Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I know that he is always in charge and is always there when I need him. I know I don't spend enough one-on-one time with him nor do I turn to him first in situations but these are both things I am working hard on. Some people call me a goody-goody because I don't dress a certain way, watch certain movies or TV shows, or even participate in some activities and if that is what a goody-goody is then yes, I am just that.

I am extremely blunt and to the point when it comes to my expresing my feelings about things. If someone is taking advantage, I'm gonna call them out on it. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say "that is stupid." In my opinion, if you don't want to be called a jerk or a witch, then don't act like one.

I am passionate about my family. If you cross one of them, watch out cause here I come swinging. People may say "its not your problem" but when you hurt someone I love, it becomes my problem.

I despise dishonesty.......i'd rather be punched in the face than lied to.

I am extremely emotional. I do wear my feelings on my sleeve and I do cry alot. One of my stress relievers is to just sit down and have a good cry.

When I have a problem, 95% of the time I just want someone to listen...not fix my problem.

I struggle with anxiety/panic on a daily basis. I wish this was something I could just take a pill for and it would go away but it doesn't work that way. All I can do is take it one day at a time and do the best with what I've been given. I try and use my experiences to help others get through their struggles if possible.

I love to sing and I am extremely honored when asked to sing, either with a group or on my own. I know I'm not the best but I do give it my best.

As pathetic as it makes me sound, I do long to have friends. I don't handle lonliness very well which is why I get frustrated when Nick has to work alot because he and Neela are all I have in this town. I want someone, who isn't related to me, to actually care about how my day was or if everything is going ok. We have been living in El Dorado for 5 years now and I still have not found where I "fit."

I am not stuck-up. I have been told that when I am thinking about something I look mad and when I don't make up small talk, it seems as though I think  I am better than others. This is truthfully not the case at all. I am not one for making small talk. If I have something to say, I will say it. Otherwise, I am truly happy just listening.

I love to laugh and just be silly. I have a very corny sense of humor and find humor is small things. Maybe this is why I love being around small children....they enjoy being silly too :)

So there you go....there is a glimpse into what I have realized about who I really am. Why did I write all of this? Because I want people to know the truth. I am tired of being something I'm not. I do my best to treat people fairly and expect the same in return. I want friends but only if they accept the true me....not because of one of my "titles."

So until next time, be true to who you are!
Natalie